"Great Elephants! A female privateer! Utterly unheard of back in my day! Kids these days, what with their feminism, and their video games, and their roleplaying forums... "
— Rustynuts introducing himself to the ladies


Sir Rustynuts

Other Names

Sir Lustynuts


Chapter V

Appears in

Chapters V - present


Undead Human

Date of Birth

Too long ago

Date of Death

50 years later




1 lb.


None, currently


Smoosh Member
Horse Trainer

Sir Rustynuts is a member of Smoosh. He is an ancient, decrepit, crotchety old knight. He is older than dirt. Ironically, he is one of the newest additions to Smoosh


Rustynuts was once a noble, well-respected knight in some far-off kingdom a long, long, LOOOOOOOOOOONG time ago. After his death, his devotion to his kingdom was so strong that he came back to continue serving it. The king, however, made a few bad decisions and the entire kingdom went downhill.

After that, Rustynuts became a wanderer and eventually joined Smoosh.


See: Bonecrusher

Bonecrusher is Rustynuts' steed. At least as old as Rustynuts himself, Bonecrusher is a sad-looking grey unicorn, who's max speed is approximately 2 hpm (yes, that's hours per mile). Fortunately for Bonecrusher, Rustynuts is so light that Bonecrusher doesn't even notice anything when his master is seated on his back.

Powers and AbilitiesEdit

Rustynuts is weaker than Eddie. He is so weak, in fact, that just touching him results in a loss of strength. This is due to the fact that his weakness creates a "strength vacuum" of sorts. Other than that, he's pretty useless.

Items and BelongingsEdit

Rustynuts' only belongings are his armor, his sword, his shield, his horse, his honor, and his virginity. All of which are pretty old and beat-up. He received a Magic Rope from the treasure room in Frost's Infinite Trophy Case. He also stole Lori's Holy Grail (which turned out to be a fake).


Rustynuts is the grumpiest old man you'll ever meet. He constantly complains about theof today, what with their mischief, and disrespect, and guns, and drugs, and rap music, and cellular phones, and Xboxes, and school, and...


Rustynuts hates everyone younger than him. He does seem to be good friends with Ein, however.

TCG Card TextEdit

Undead - Warrior - Smoosh ♂

Bonus: 3

Cost: 3


When Rustynuts is involved in a Battle, place a -1/+0/+0 Token on the other Character.

Pay 3♥: Regenerate Sir Rustynuts.

Theme SongEdit



  • Despite his hatred of the younger generation, Rustynuts actually likes animals, particularly dogs.
  • His favorite food is Werther's Originals, his favorite drink is lunch (blended), his favorite movie is The Great Train Robbery (1902), and his favorite musical artist is "that punk Mozart."
  • It has been suggested that, since Rustynuts is the weakest member of Smoosh, his hypothetical Doosh counterpart would be very strong.
  • Currently, Rustynuts is the oldest, weakest, and lightest member of Smoosh. Mortal currently holds the title of shortest, however.
  • Rustynuts was inspired by Sir Luckless .

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