"Chief Master Sergeant Baron Washington A. Wafflesworth, Jr., Sr., Jr., MXVII, Esquire at your service. "
— Washington, introducing himself

Baron Washington Wafflesworth, Jr., Sr., Jr., MXVII
Washington SB

Additional Titles

Chief Master Sergeant


Chapter I

Appears in

All chapters



Date of Birth

December, 1985




86 lbs.


Wafflesworth Manor


Smoosh Member

Chief Master Sergeant Baron Washington A. Wafflesworth, Jr., Sr., Jr., MXVII,

Esquire is a member of Smoosh. He is an orange penguin dressed in a tuxedo and top hat, with a monocle and moustache, as well as a cane. He speaks in a British accent.


Washington comes from a family who is not extremely wealthy, but pretends to be by giving their children very long, grandiose names. Washington was not always a penguin; rather, he was once a human, but accidentally transmuted himself into a penguin. After discovering that penguins are a great source of alchemical power, he decided to remain as is.

Spoony BardEdit

See: Spoony Bard

Spoony Bard is Washington's eloquent pet banana slug. Gifted with a nigh-incomprehensible vocabulary, he has a bit of a superiority complex. He's not really a contributing member of the team, though he was pivotal in the fight against Bobby Kotick.

Powers and AbilitiesEdit

Washington is a skilled alchemist. Therefore, he can transmute an object into another object of similar makeup. His alchemical powers increased exponentially when he accidentally turned himself into a penguin. Being a penguin, he has increased resistance to cold temperatures, as well as improved mobility in water. He has also been shown to have a high skill in playing Guitar Hero.

Items and BelongingsEdit

Washington's cane can transform into a powerful bazookachainsaw, an improved version of the gunblade. He also has a tea set, with an unlimited amount of Earl Grey tea (which gives the drinker an accent). He keeps most of his possessions in his hammer space, conveniently located under his hat. This is where he keeps his mansion full of hot ninja babes, a souvenir from the Kingdom of Smelly Grapefruit. He received a Universal Time-Keeping Silver Pocketwatch from the treasure room in Frost's Infinite Trophy Case.


Washington is usually a very easygoing chap, offering his comrades tea when he feels they are in need of refreshment, as well as using the miraculous powers of his accent to make others feel better. However, he is also dedicated to his mission, as evidenced by the time he tried to cut off Luna's feet in order to obtain her socks.

There are few things that can make Washington lose his cool; chief among these is when someone (or something, as the case may be) threatens Nico.


Washington is more-or-less well-liked by everyone in Smoosh. He was immediately promoted to Chief Master Sergeant in Frost's penguin army upon his introduction, and he bears this title with pride. He cannot stand the perverted Lupez, but it is heavily implied--more like downright stated--that he is attracted to Nico, which is at odds with the fact that he has an entire ninja Playboy mansion for his personal use.

It also seems that Washington has an older brother, as a mysterious figure in the prologue of Chapter VI mentioned his brother being a penguin, and Nintendoki stating that the person's brother was in Smoosh. Also, Washington asked about a good place "to take a douchey older brother."

Character ThemeEdit


TCG CardEdit

Avian - Gentleman - Smoosh ♂

Bonus: 2

Cost: 3


Tap: When you Refund a card, you may return it to your hand instead of discarding it.

Group: +0/+0/+1


  • The initial "A" in Washington's name stands for "Alphonse." Therefore, Washington's TRUE full name is Chief Master Sergeant Baron Washington Alphonse Wafflesworth, Jr., Sr., Jr., MXVII, Esquire.
  • Washington's name gets longer every time he introduces himself.
  • Washington's Doosh counterpart is Jefferson.
  • Washington's origins will be further explored in Chapter VI.
  • The term Washington addresses someone by denotes his affection for them: Man/Miss=Disrespect, Chap/Lass=Friendship, Mate/Love=Close friend.
  • His favourite food is crumpets, favourite drink is tea, favourite movie is Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, and his favourite band is Jethro Tull.
  • Washington's theme is also Vega's theme from Street Fighter IV. It was chosen mainly because of the instrumentation, and also because it combines a rousing tempo with an air of sophistication.